For the average American marriage, it is normal for martial satisfaction to continually decrease with each child that is brought into a new family and to continually increase with each child that leaves the house. This is how most marriages will go. BUT, there is good news! You can prevent this steady decline in marital satisfaction.
First off, a baby demands much attention, time, and work. Many parents believe they can continue living their lives the same way they have done before. They do not realize the huge impact this baby will have on the schedule they are use to. Also, marital satisfaction starts to decline because of this odd phenomenon that occurs after the baby is born. At the beginning of the marriage, much time is spent discussing the things that each partner agrees on. Of course there are the occasional disagreements, but for the most part the two of you agree on many things—you usually marry someone with whom you share a similarity and can carry on an engaging conversation with. While the two of you may talk about much more important topic after the baby is born, the husband perceives the wife as disagreeing much more than before. Therefore, he may see himself as less needed and being to with draw. The wife then interprets this as less interest in her and the baby. The once high marital satisfaction begins to decline. This is all about perception! Each spouse perceived one another's actions differently than the other.
It is extremely important to recognize these problem that many arise and be able to plan in advance for it. Lucky for you, now you know! You can prepare with your spouse the additional work load that comes from this new baby and realize you will have much less time alone together. Plan for little ways you can have personal bonding time on a much tighter schedule. Figure out how you can share the work load more effectively. This will help the both of you emotionally and physically support one another while making your relationship more rock solid.
Much of your marital satisfaction after baby is born depends on the actions you take before baby. It is important to include the husband in all the aspects of the pregnancy. Take him to prenatal appointments, have him feel when the baby kicks, and most importantly put him first before any others during the birthing process (avoid making it a mother-daughter experience). This whole process is for the two of you to be involved in and enjoy. Make sure the husband is as involved in the process of pregnancy as the wife.
How you handle the pregnancy and birthing process will be vital to the future or your marriage and the overall satisfaction of your marriage. Remember, you must be an active agent of your life in order to have the best marriage.
All the information presented in this blog post is an adaptation from a presentation by Dr. Michael Williams.
